School is out for the summer and last week I had a talk with my oldest about his report card. It was very good! Don’t misunderstand! He is very smart and does well in almost everything that he tries.
Which, sometimes, can be a bit of a problem. Hence the conversation.
What I told him is that people who are naturally smart like he is usually find school pretty easy. At some point they realize that they can get pretty good grades without working as hard as others do. And, frankly, there’s not much wrong with that, especially at his age.
What I wanted him to know what that his natural abilities wouldn’t always be enough.
Years ago I worked with a couple of guys who both held roughly the same position but had a very different approach to the work they did. One of them (let’s call him Guy 1, because I am too lazy to come up with names) was blessed with some innate talents and abilities that were a natural fit for his role. Guy 2, on the other hand, had very few talents related to the work he did. In terms of what it takes to be a success in their roles, Guy 1 had a lot of advantages. Yet, far from failing or falling behind, Guy 2 has far outstripped Guy 1 in almost every possible way.
What happened? Two things.
First, Guy 1 became complacent. Like a smart kid who realizes they can coast through school and still get A’s, he had been told how gifted he was. His mistake wasn’t necessarily believing the praise (there is nothing wrong with acknowledging your gifts). His mistake was putting his faith in his talent. Like an artist who knows he is very good, but doesn't care what he paints, Guy 1’s work was better than most, but far less than it could have been.
The second thing that happened was Guy 2 went into overdrive. What I mean is, he took every possible opportunity to grow in his role. He traveled on his own dime, he worked with people who could pay him and plenty who couldn’t. He did these things all in the pursuit of growing in his craft.
Soon, Guy 2 was the best at what he did out of everyone else in the company. And there were a lot of other Guy 1’s, who had more gifts than he did. It didn’t matter, because he worked harder than any of them. They trusted in their talents, but Guy 2 didn’t have that luxury. He knew that he HAD to work hard.
Some people have limited gifts but are willing to work hard. Others are blessed with many gifts but don’t want to do the work to improve. In my experience, the first group is capable of far more over time. The lessons the second group learned growing up end up coming back to bite them. Used to being effortlessly ahead, they are shocked and confused to find themselves far behind. Their gifts stay the same, and so do they.
Which is exactly what happened to Guy 1. While Guy 2 was growing like crazy, Guy 1 stayed about the same. His work retained the same basically good quality, but showed no real improvement over an entire decade. Eventually, he lost his position.
Both of my boys are very smart and talented, each in his own way. Their abilities will bring them praise (and already do), but I hope I help them learn not to rest easy. I think a better response when someone compliments our talents is to say “Thank you,” while a voice in the back of our mind says, quietly, “I know I can do better.”
Of course, that voice can become overly-critical, telling us nothing we do is good enough. But an accurate understanding of our gifts and their limitations should prompt us to work to improve them, understanding that we are capable of far more than even the most generous compliments. It’s easy to know you need to work hard when you’re lousy at something. The trick is to recognize how much work you need to put in when you’re really, really good.
Terrific article. So true and well articulated. Thanks!
Couldn't agree more. Say it louder for those in the back (....sleeping - because they think they've got it made).