A few may leave because of your suggestions. Let me suggest another reason that young people leave the church. Before retiring, I served as the Executive Pastor of a multiethnic church with 3,000 members in Northern California. Sixty percent of our congregation had been saved from drug and alcohol abuse. We had a middle school youth group and a senior high youth group, each with their pastors, meeting separately on Sundays and mid-week. Over the twenty years, we watched many young people raised in “Christian homes” leave the church after high school. Most youth from our surrounding community who had been saved through our outreach efforts stayed after high school. My observation regarding those raised in Christian homes and leaving the church after high school was that the youth ministry had little to do with their departure. I believe they left because they were raised in homes that were essentially functional atheists. They were families that “lived the Christian life” a couple of hours on Sunday and acted as if God didn’t exist the rest of the week. Their goals revolved around realizing the American dream, not conforming to the image of Jesus. What kid wants to continue in a church where they see their peers and the whole church as hypocrites? Kids raised in authentic Christian homes rarely leave church. I was raised by a businessman father and a nurse mother who viewed their advocations as business and nursing. They saw their vocation as full-time believers impacting their world. They made living the Christian life real, and I never thought about leaving. My girls experienced the same.
Thanks for commenting, Rich, I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I'm not quite sure how my post would lead more young people to leave the church, and I don't really think what we are each describing is mutually exclusive - I think we're each talking about something real. I am certainly a product of an "authentic Christian home" and a quality youth group, and have seen quite a few of my peers walk away from both. I completely agree with you that the faith students see at home is far, far more consequential than what they receive (or do not) in youth group. There are a lot of reasons people leave the faith they grew up with (or grew up thinking they had) and in my post I chose to focus on the kind of youth group that posits itself as being parallel (or separate entirely) from regular weekend worship, which communicates the wrong thing to students, in my opinion, and can leave them adrift when it comes time to find a church as a (very new) adult. A few years ago I helped do research for a book on millennials and the church, which involved dozens of interviews. What really stood out to me as I was reading through the responses was the sheer number of respondents who grew up in Christian homes and often whose parents served on staff or in volunteer roles, and chose to leave the church. To a person, these respondents described their parents' faith as exemplary, authentic, and very impactful for them. What drove them out of church was the way those churches treated their parents. Their issue wasn't with faith itself, which most of them retained; they simply had no interest in attending church. That is more in line with my concern in my post - we often organize and operate our churches in ways that seem efficient and produce results that seem good, but are having negative impacts we often do not see and are not measuring. What I tried to describe in my post is a sort of abandonment of young adults, in my opinion. We work hard to give them a place to belong until they graduate high school, then expect them to figure it out for themselves. Thanks again for your thoughtful response!
Thanks Jack - sorry, I could have been clearer - I agree with you. The pandemic reminded me how many of our families are American first and Christian second. Thank you for your insight. Good stuff- keep writing. Blessings, Rich
Ah, I see what you meant now. Thanks again, Rich, and I agree with you on this comment too. Glad to have you reading, look forward to more of your thoughts.
One of my favorite lines by Joel Delph is "There is no such thing as a mini Holy Spirit. The same God who lives in grown-ups lives in our kids." That has really shaped how I communicate and spiritually relate to children. We led a married couples small group for a couple of years and one night a month was "family night" where we ate dinner together and included the whole family. It was sheer chaos, but those kids absolutely loved the time together with everyone and would drill their parents on when the next "family night" was going to be.
Hi Jack, Thanks for your article
A few may leave because of your suggestions. Let me suggest another reason that young people leave the church. Before retiring, I served as the Executive Pastor of a multiethnic church with 3,000 members in Northern California. Sixty percent of our congregation had been saved from drug and alcohol abuse. We had a middle school youth group and a senior high youth group, each with their pastors, meeting separately on Sundays and mid-week. Over the twenty years, we watched many young people raised in “Christian homes” leave the church after high school. Most youth from our surrounding community who had been saved through our outreach efforts stayed after high school. My observation regarding those raised in Christian homes and leaving the church after high school was that the youth ministry had little to do with their departure. I believe they left because they were raised in homes that were essentially functional atheists. They were families that “lived the Christian life” a couple of hours on Sunday and acted as if God didn’t exist the rest of the week. Their goals revolved around realizing the American dream, not conforming to the image of Jesus. What kid wants to continue in a church where they see their peers and the whole church as hypocrites? Kids raised in authentic Christian homes rarely leave church. I was raised by a businessman father and a nurse mother who viewed their advocations as business and nursing. They saw their vocation as full-time believers impacting their world. They made living the Christian life real, and I never thought about leaving. My girls experienced the same.
Hope this makes sense, Dr. Rich Rollins
Thanks for commenting, Rich, I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I'm not quite sure how my post would lead more young people to leave the church, and I don't really think what we are each describing is mutually exclusive - I think we're each talking about something real. I am certainly a product of an "authentic Christian home" and a quality youth group, and have seen quite a few of my peers walk away from both. I completely agree with you that the faith students see at home is far, far more consequential than what they receive (or do not) in youth group. There are a lot of reasons people leave the faith they grew up with (or grew up thinking they had) and in my post I chose to focus on the kind of youth group that posits itself as being parallel (or separate entirely) from regular weekend worship, which communicates the wrong thing to students, in my opinion, and can leave them adrift when it comes time to find a church as a (very new) adult. A few years ago I helped do research for a book on millennials and the church, which involved dozens of interviews. What really stood out to me as I was reading through the responses was the sheer number of respondents who grew up in Christian homes and often whose parents served on staff or in volunteer roles, and chose to leave the church. To a person, these respondents described their parents' faith as exemplary, authentic, and very impactful for them. What drove them out of church was the way those churches treated their parents. Their issue wasn't with faith itself, which most of them retained; they simply had no interest in attending church. That is more in line with my concern in my post - we often organize and operate our churches in ways that seem efficient and produce results that seem good, but are having negative impacts we often do not see and are not measuring. What I tried to describe in my post is a sort of abandonment of young adults, in my opinion. We work hard to give them a place to belong until they graduate high school, then expect them to figure it out for themselves. Thanks again for your thoughtful response!
Thanks Jack - sorry, I could have been clearer - I agree with you. The pandemic reminded me how many of our families are American first and Christian second. Thank you for your insight. Good stuff- keep writing. Blessings, Rich
Ah, I see what you meant now. Thanks again, Rich, and I agree with you on this comment too. Glad to have you reading, look forward to more of your thoughts.
One of my favorite lines by Joel Delph is "There is no such thing as a mini Holy Spirit. The same God who lives in grown-ups lives in our kids." That has really shaped how I communicate and spiritually relate to children. We led a married couples small group for a couple of years and one night a month was "family night" where we ate dinner together and included the whole family. It was sheer chaos, but those kids absolutely loved the time together with everyone and would drill their parents on when the next "family night" was going to be.
Jack, excellent observation! Erin, thank you so much for sharing.A great evening was enjoyed by all. Hugs